my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
