I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
