I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize