ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was like eating out sand paper
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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