i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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