I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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