11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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