I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i now understand why vodka
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
