I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
