I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
