If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
