3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
