So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
