so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
