I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
