My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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