They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
