nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
