it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
