KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
