what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
