i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
