Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize