I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
