Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
