Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
