1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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