your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
