So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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