The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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