he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
