Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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