i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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