Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
