apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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