Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
