I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
