lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
