there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
