I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
