Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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