I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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