Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
