If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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