He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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