Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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