I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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