Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
