seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
