i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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