Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
