matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
