weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
