i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
