does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize