are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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