allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My balls are so social today.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize