we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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