also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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