I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize