you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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